I realized recently that I have become so single-minded on what is upside down in my life, that I fail to see the little blessings that God gives me everyday - such as a wonderful husband and so much more.

I am thankful my husband has been given to me as a gift for the past thirty-three years.  I am thankful for the two daughters and four grandchildren who provide me with oodles of smiles, hugs, and kisses regularly.  And I am thankful for a roof over my head, food in my stomach, excellent health, and friends who love me - standard thankfulness kinds of things.

However, I find I can become gray and gloomy and crabby and obstinate, and forget about the goodness that is all around me.  How childish to think that I deserve something, and that I can stomp my feet in front of my God.  Perhaps, when I can come before him without a little tantrum, he will realize my heart is changing back to a place of gratefulness, and things will fall into place once again.  I am thankful for God’s patience with me.

I love these two quotes I came across today on thankfulness.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.      ~ Garrison Keillor

When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.                ~ Chinese Proverb

Praying you are able to see, with clarity, all the little blessings before you this Thanksgiving.

There was a very encouraging post Wednesday, August 5, 2009 about my husband on Mitch Temple’s (Focus on the Family) blog.

http://mitchtemple.ning.com/profiles/blogs/marriage-its-not-just-a

As you know from my last post, I attended a family reunion this past weekend.  Fourteen hours on the road to North Carolina was challenging with frequent potty stops for four grandchildren, a few bouts of car sickness, and maneuvering the mountains in the pouring rain as the sun was setting. 

Part of the weekend festivities included a pig pick in’.  I think the cute little pink things are wonderful. However, I choose not to eat them in any form - especially brown, crinkled and smoked for 24 hours.   Don’t forget the baked beans that accompany the picked pig with the added bacon.  I stuck with the coleslaw and pasta salad. 

We had a blast with the family and the occasional kidding about northern and southern differences.  We teased my brother and sister about operating on ‘Southern Time’, which is slow and reverse.  They teased the northern side of the family about our ‘proper English’.  All was done in fun with lots of laughter, especially when it came to learning about the southern fishing custom of ‘noodling’ or ‘noodlin’, which is a rather crazy way of catching a catfish.

There were a few tense moments when people were tired, or felt left-out of activities, but we did everything to smooth it out and have a good time.  Extra doses of communication were necessary with a few apologies.  All in all, everyone seemed to work it out.

One of the best parts of the weekend was staying with my niece and her husband in their new home.  My husband and I had the upper floor all to ourselves and felt like we were in a B & B.  There was an antique bed with a green striped coverlet, and fluffy new towels in the bathroom.  My niece didn’t have a chance to put shades on the windows, so the sun came sneaking into the room at 6:00am along with the roosters crowing.  So much for sleeping in while on vacation.

Next week I am traveling to North Carolina for a family reunion.  I believe it will be a boat load of fun to caravan with our two daughters, their husbands, and four grandchildren for 12 hours and 750 miles.   My husband says I am delusional. 

I’m not delusional - I’m optimistic. I expect the long road trip to be filled with multiple potty stops, food stops, and emergency stops for disturbed tummies from car sickness after winding through the mountains.    What should be a twelve hour drive is likely to turn into fourteen, and I have a feeling we’ll dump the boat load of fun before we arrive in North Carolina. I plan to enjoy each moment God provides for memories, laughter, and time with my husband, daughters and little munchkins.

My extended family gets along pretty well.   However, there are moments when family dynamics leave me with the feeling of drowning and coming up to the water’s surface to suck in big gasps of air. My husband lovingly reminds me, “There is no such thing as a Norman Rockwell family no matter how much you pray for it.”  I have to agree.  Add in the cultural differences of northern and southern living habits, and things become tense and rather humorous.

My North Carolinian family thinks the extended Yankee family members speak funny by talking through their noses, as though they’re from England and conversing with the queen.  I disagree about the speaking funny part since one never hears the words ‘ya’all’ and ‘come yonder’ in the northern United States.  They have to deal with their vocabulary insecurities.  They also feel Yankees spew vulgarities and drive BMWs.  I’ve never owned a BMW in my life and vulgarities are not part of my family’s vocabulary. 

My brother and sister were born and raised in Chicago, which I believe legally makes them Yankees too.   Maybe it has something to do with living in North Carolina for thirty years.  The northern side of the family feels the southern side is still fighting the Civil War and eggs them on by saying, “Bless your heart,” twenty times a day.  I know the true meaning of this southern blessing - it means, ‘Wow, that was incredibly stupid.’

I spoke to my sister yesterday to prepare her for the immediate change in lifestyle she will be thrust into when my four young grandchildren descend on her home.  We are okay with hotel rooms, but she’s crazy enough to insist we stay at her place.  It’s that sweet southern hospitality. She’ll change her mind after the first day when the decibel levels reach a high pitched tone she has never experienced before.  There will be finger prints up and down her hallway and more spilt milk, juice, and cereal than any single mop or vacuum can handle.  We offered to pay for a cleaning crew once my side of the family leaves.

I shared that there are moments of great joy and laughter with little ones running circles around your ankles, and moments of shear panic where she will suck in her breath, not expecting to exhale again.  She’s already thinking of multiple planned activities to keep everyone busy and happy.  I told her that was great, but by 1 o’clock in the afternoon, nap time is a blessed event and something to fit into the planned activity schedule every day.

The Sunday Chicago Tribune Magazine had an article on family travel two weeks ago by Desiree Chen that made me chuckle.  It provided wonderful advice on communication being the key to a great time.  I’m sending several copies out to the family.   Here’s a portion of the advice provided in the article -

COLLABORATE

At the planning state, enlist the energy and support of the others who will be going.  “Take leadership in activating conversations and pooling information, but it should be collaborative, to avoid conflicts later,   says Linda Rubinowitz, a family therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.  By being inclusive, “people can’t come back and say, ‘Look at this schedule - she’s got us going from 8 in the morning until 8 at night, and I never wanted to do any of that anyway.’

DON’T OVERDO THE “TOGETHER TIME”

“If everyone agrees that they’re getting together because they want to see each other, it’s important to have a least one thing that calls everybody together - maybe just at the beginning and, depending how long the trip is, something in the middle or at the end.  So as least there’s a touching base with the entire group a couple of times,” Rubinowitz says.

Joshua Herrington, also from the Family Institute at Northwestern University, adds:  “My take is, plan no more than one group activity a day.  Just one thing.  Otherwise the logistics get insane.  Say there’ll be one trip to one museum, and you’re either in or you’re out, and it’s fine either way.”

BRACE YOURSELF

Whenever people in a family come together, they activate each other’s emotional triggers.  Try to anticipate those situations and plan your response.  “If you know your mom is going to treat you like you’re 12 again, you have to expect that.”  Hetherington says, “If you want to challenge yourself, try to figure out a response - maybe think about it from her point of view and try to understand it.  This tends to be easier to do once you have kids.”

DON’T BE A CONTROL FREAK

“If you’re expecting to please everybody, you’re inevitably going to be disappointed,” Hetherington says.  “If two members in your family never got along, don’t expect them to this time - and you don’t necessarily have to do anything about it.  It’s one thing to coordinate a big get-together; it’s another to think you can control your family’s dynamics.  You could try it but you’d fail.”

TOUCHY SUBJECTS

Some people know that if you get them in the same room, they won’t do well to talk about, say, politics.  They might want to agree beforehand that they won’t get into it on this trip.  Rubinowitz says, “Or if they decide they will get into it, that they’ll agree to go off by themselves, take it outside, so there isn’t an overflow effect.  After all, some families thrive on conflict.

PREPARE FOR LITTLE DISAPPOINTMENTS

“People inevitably will go to some big family reunion thinking they’ll connect with all their favorite relatives and come away with a warm glow.  And that’s almost never the case,” says Hetherington.  The challenge is how to deal with the disappointments and get over them.  “When things don’t work out, sometimes the real measure of growth for people is how they handle it so it has the best outcome it can,” Rubinowitz says.

ADDRESS SUCCESS

Before you go, Rubinowitz suggests, ask yourself a couple of questions: What will make this experience a success for me?  Whom do I want to be sure to talk to?  Spend time with?  What would I need to do to make it a success?

I’ll let you know the outcome of our cross country travels and family reunion when I get back.  Have a wonderful 4th of July with your family. 

It’s been a difficult week to sit down at the computer and write anything that would make sense.  The two words that keep replaying themselves in my mind are, “how” and “why”?

This past Monday, my husband and I heard the horrifying news that two little boys we knew (Duncan and Jack Leichtenberg) were killed in a murder-suicide with their father (Michael Connolly).  There was an Amber Alert issued for them in early March when their father did not return them after a weekend visit. 

We have prayed for the past several weeks for the safe return of the boys.  We knew this family. They visited our church and we looked into the eyes of this father, who we felt, loved his boys very much.  My husband spent time with Mike, telling him about Christ, and the love he had for him.  How?  How did he get to a place where he felt he had no other option?   It is a bone-chilling realization to have looked into the eyes of someone, who is capable of something so horrific.

There is a God and a mother who deeply loved the boys. The depravity of this world is something they tried to protect Jack and Duncan from.  The boy’s mother fought with all her might to protect them.  She did not fail them - our legal system did.

We drove three hours to attend the wake for these two little angels.  It was important to let Amy know she and the boys had been covered in prayer, and we were in anguish with her over her loss.  As hard as it was to be there, it was a loving tribute to the lives of the boys, and a mother who loved them deeply.

Why?  Why did this happen?  It is something I will ask God when I see him face-to-face. However, when I really think about it, the answer is not far away.

It only takes one lie, one moment of pride, or one moment of rage for us to be separated from God. If I am completely honest, deep within me, is a very dark place.  It is called sin.  Does God see my sin differently than Michael’s?  I think not.  There is no grading scale for sin.  God sent his son Jesus Christ to reconcile us to that dark place within, and bring His light into our hearts.  We need to invite him in and unlock the door to that place of darkness within.

I have searched my heart this week toward Michael, and I can only find deep sadness for a soul that was so tormented that he knew no other option.  I imagine God grieving for a lost son who only new darkness within.

I have been working on the same resolution for the past three years.  

To grow in my relationship with God. 

This may seem like an impossible resolution, but it has been easier than I thought it would be. A little effort has gone a long way.

At first, I added a number of things to my “to do” list.

• I will spend quiet time with God each morning.
• I will write in my journal.
• I will read the bible for 15 minutes each day.
• I will get involved in a bible study.
• I will do a devotional with my husband every evening.

I did pretty well with most items my first year, however, my enthusiasm began to wane going into my second year. Spiritual disciplines are wonderful, but they can put us on a religious “to do” treadmill. I thoroughly dislike treadmills. When you haven’t been on one for a while, all you feel is guilt.

What I’ve discovered is, I have grown my relationship with God in simple ways.  One of them is waking up each morning, and before my feet hit the floor, I say, “Good morning, God.  I love you.  Thank you for giving me another day. Please bless this day.” I may spend 5-10 minutes reading scripture, a book, or writing in my journal.  I may listen to a song or two on the radio.  Some days I do, some days I don’t.  It’s been a process to let go of the treadmill. 

If I find simple ways to spend small moments of time with God, His love rubs off on me.  And, with small injections of His love on a daily basis, I’m finding I am able to extend more love toward others.  I am working on conversing with God throughout my day as I would converse with my husband, children, parents or friends.  After all, this is a two-way stream of communication.  It can be a thought, it can be a conversation, or it can be a quick “thank you” for a blessing during my day.  Occasionally, I jot down a quick note in my journal.   The most important change, however, has been playing praise and worship music on my computer throughout the day.  I find it to be a form of continual prayer.

I see that my love is growing.  I love my husband more deeply. I have more patience, I speak with more honesty and openness, I want to do things for him without being asked, and I’ve stopped keeping score of who does more for whom.  It is changing me. 

I plan on keeping the same resolution for 2009.  

Christmas Eve was a beautiful evening with church services and time spent with our daughters, their husbands, and our four rambunctious grandchildren.  The children played and played with their toys.  The five-year old provided us with a Christmas rock concert using his new play electric guitar and headset.  It was the right kind of toy to drive his parents crazy.

Christmas Day was a quiet and lazy day for us as our daughters were visiting with their in-laws.  We decided to get out of the house and see a movie.  There has been two feet of snow this month, and cabin fever crabbiness has been evident.

As we headed out for an afternoon movie, the car started vibrating. Then the vibration would stop.  We made it to the theatre without difficulty.  As we were driving home and only a mile from our home, the car stopped completely.  It would not move forward in Drive, it would not Reverse, and it would not stay in Park.

Luckily, we were in a residential neighborhood. I inspired my husband to go across the street to a house that had lights on.  He knocked on the door to ask if we could push the car into their driveway and order a tow for first thing in the morning.  The man in the house refused to let us put the car in his driveway, as it would be an inconvenience to his guests.  Believe it or not, my husband still wished him a Merry Christmas.

We called the police department, since we were sitting in the middle of the street, and they called a tow truck for us.  As we sat waiting with our emergency blinkers on full alert, no less than twenty cars drove around us.  We were okay,  the engine was running and kept us warm,  but not one car stopped to see if we needed help.  I said to my husband, “The spirit of Jesus is missing from these people’s lives.  We need to pray for them.”

It wasn’t the Christmas Day we expected.  Perhaps, God wanted us to experience a different kind of Christmas. 

Philippians 2:7 (NIV)

but made himself nothing,

      taking the very nature[b] of a servant,

          being made in human likeness.

The Message translates the same verse as follows:

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process.

I heard this verse again last week.  I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind as I prepare or Christmas.  Yes, I wish to celebrate my Savior’s birth, but I also wish to remember what He has done for me. He took the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  Often the word “servant” is translated in The Bible as “slave”.  A slave was some who had no freedom. Who was bound by chains.  Someone like me, or like you.

There are chains that cover our eyes, diminishing our ability to love others and see them through God’s eyes. 

• Ask God to remove the chains from your eyes.

There are chains that hold us in bondage to anger and bitterness toward family members, neighbors, and co-workers.

• Ask God to remove the chains that cover your heart.

There are chains that bind us to sinful choices that break our marriage vows to love, respect, cherish, honor, and remain faithful.

• Ask God to remove the chains of a self-serving attitude.

There are chains that bind us to overspending, overeating, alcohol, drugs, and pornography.

• Ask God to remove the chains of addiction.

Thank you, God, for sending your Son set us free from the chains that bind us. Thank you for loving us more than we can comprehend.

May you and your family have a blessed Christmas as you contemplate and celebrate the birth of our Savior - Jesus Christ.

I pray for safe travel for you and your families; time for reflection and giving thanks, and lower than normal family stress. May you have a truly blessed Thanksgiving.

This year has been filled with health and financial challenges for many families, and unfortunately, as we look to the New Year, we seem to be holding our breath waiting to see what is around the next corner.  One of my favorite verses to read during times such as these is found in James 1:2-4 -

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So, let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, your will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

• I am thankful that I have a patient and loving God who walks with me, promising never to leave my side.  He provides everything I need and more.
• I am thankful that He never gives up on me, especially when I want to give up on Him.
• I am thankful that He provides me with opportunities to see His face through the love of friends and family.
• I am thankful and in awe of God’s goodness in the small details of my life.
• I am thankful for all of you who read my blog. You are a blessing to me with your words of encouragement.

I pray you are blessed by God’s faithfulness, love, provision, and abundance.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wish to encourage my readers to get out and vote tomorrow. We are given a tremendous gift and opportunity in The United States that so many of our brothers and sisters in Christ do not share around the world. It is a freedom to not take for granted.

I have spent more time in prayer over my voting decision than any other time in my life. I have asked God for his guidance and wisdom in helping me come to a place of peace.  I have sought out God’s voice.

There is a recurring theme that has stuck with me through the process and that is - read. I have read numerous passages of scripture. I stopped reading newspapers and magazines. I went to the Internet to read about the candidate’s voting records, their upbringing, the people they associate with, and much more. Finally, I had to ask myself, “How does what I’ve read and heard align with scripture?” This has guided my decision, which I did not make until a few weeks ago.

In a recent interview Growthtrac.com did with Margaret Feinberg on her book, The Sacred Echo, there are three questions she challenges us with in how to recognize the voice of God.

Does what I heard leave me with a sense of peace?
Jesus described himself at the Prince of Peace. So often when he speaks to our heart, he provides a sense of deep centered peace so that we know the thoughts and feelings are from Him. It is a kind of peace that the world cannot provide or compete with.

Is what I heard blanketed with love?
God would never ask us to do anything with a harmful, mean spirit, or criticalness. God is not in the business of tearing down people. He’s in the business of redeeming and restoring mankind.

Does what I heard line up with wise counsel in my life?
All of us need people who are older and wiser to provide guidance to help us figure things out - including our voting decisions.  This wise counsel includes my husband.  We have had several discussions about our prayers and seeking God’s voice through the decision process.

I know the old saying about politics and religion not mixing, but I have asked friends how they have processed their decision for the election this year. They have provided some very wise counsel, which I have shared here.  I pray it will help you before you vote tomorrow.