I had the opportunity to witness a beautiful wedding yesterday.  Some may say that all weddings are beautiful; I would have to disagree.  For me, the level of beauty becomes evident in how a couple invites God into the center of the ceremony. 

As a marriage mentor, I’ve attended more than fifty weddings over the past twelve years.  Yesterday’s wedding was different than any other - it was a worship experience.

From the moment the guests were seated, the music drew you into God’s presence.   As the couple came forward to the altar, as with most weddings, the attention was on the bride.  However, the pastor immediately invited the witnesses in attendance into a story; the couple’s story, and how Christ had changed their lives.  After that, carefully chosen scripture told God’s story of how he designed marriage between a man and women.  He then brought the witnesses back into the fold by asking them to be supportive and loving, and to hold the bride and groom accountable for their vows.  

A hush fell over the room and a moment later the pastor prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving.  Then he paused and told the story of how this couple chose to court, rather than date.  Today would be their first kiss.  People sitting behind me drew in their breaths with a gasp and whispered, “No kissing, that’s amazing!”  The pastor instructed the new young husband to gently take his wife into his arms as a cherished and delicate piece of china, and enjoy the passion God had created between them with their first kiss.  The groom did an incredible job!

As the ceremony closed, the attendants broke into a song of celebration and dancing with the focus of joy and gratefulness to God.  They raised their arms and swayed and sang Alleluia’s.  I sat there and wondered if I caught a glimpse of how weddings were in Jesus’ time, where celebration and dancing occurred for a week.  My husband and I left the wedding ceremony with huge smiles on our faces.

I have a feeling this will be a wedding that is imprinted in our hearts and minds for a very long time.

There was a great press conference held last week with rising Florida Gator’s Quarterback Tim Tebow where he was asked the question, “Are you saving yourself for marriage?”  His response was, “Yes, I am.”  This left the reporter stumbling over his words.  A moment of silence spread over the news conference followed by uncomfortable laughter.

The reporters obviously didn’t know how to respond to a young man who believes sex is meant solely for marriage.  I’m sure most of the reporters thought he was from another planet.  Or, were completely dumbfounded that such a creature still walks the face of the earth.

This press conference clearly cemented the ambivalent feelings the media and popular culture have for virgins and virginity.  I wonder what the level of ostracism would have been from colleagues if another reporter in the room stood up and said, “Way to go Tim, that’s an honorable thing to do. Keep following God’s design for your future.” 

A couple of years ago, cities across the country had billboards up that said, “Virgin - Teach Your Kids It’s Not A Dirty Word.”   This young man’s parents obviously taught this lesson well.  I’m praying that Tim Tebow continues to speak openly about his virginity and confirms what studies have shown for years.

• Sex is well worth waiting for
• Sex is better in marriage
• Sex is better with couples who have a spiritual connection

In his infinite wisdom, God has a very well laid out plan for purity.  He wants each of us to experience it with our mind, our heart, our eyes, and our body - before marriage and after.

• 1 Corinthians 6:20 - Honor God with your body.
• 1 Peter 1:14-15 - Live in obedience - don’t live to satisfy your own desires. Be holy in all your manner and conduct of living
• 1 John 3:2-3 - It’s important to keep our eyes focused on resembling Christ. For he is pure - we are to keep ourselves pure.
• Matthew 7:21, 3:8 - What is required is serious, not casual obedience.  Do not use people to make you feel loved or important. Don’t do what is the popular thing to do.  Let your life reflect what is in your heart.
• Deuteronomy 6:24 - God has given us guidelines that are designed to preserve and bless our lives.
• 1 Peter 2:9 - You are chosen and deeply loved by God.  You can speak out about God’s goodness and the difference he has made in your life - from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.
• Romans 1:19 - Ignoring God eventually leads to a downward spiral - a place that lacks hope and is filled with desperation. Deep down, people know the truth about God, he has made it obvious.
• 2 Timothy 2:20-22 - If you keep yourself pure, you will be used by God for honorable and noble purposes. Run away from the evil things that young people long for. Try hard to do what is right.
• Hebrews 12:14 - Are you so hungry for something that you will do ANYTHING to get that desire satisfied?   Some of you are there right now; ready to sell your future for something that is so insignificant right now.

There was an article in the Chicago Tribune this weekend about a couple that practices what they preach. The bride and groom are teachers of abstinence in the Chicago Public Schools and only kissed on the cheek during their courtship.  It’s interesting that the groom-to-be found other ways to show affection by serving his fiancee in tangible ways.  It spoke volumes about his dedication to her.

This is unbelievably refreshing to see a newspaper headline that is positive.  The reporter did not ridicule a couple for a decision that is counter-cultural. I think they should have had the front-page headline.

In over ten years of doing pre-marital mentoring, my husband and I witnessed one couple make a similar decision. The couple said, “If we would be embarrassed to do something in front of our parents, then it’s an easy decision not to.” Their marriage is doing very well, and they feel God has blessed them for holding to His standard of purity prior to marriage.

I wish more couples were willing to try it God’s way.

Unfortunately, my husband and I have been frontline observers to the implosion of several marriages over the past few years. It is devastating to watch a couple casually toss aside what is intended to be a life-long commitment because they no longer feel they are ‘in love’, ‘compatible”, or ‘have different goals in life’.

I’ve concluded that a fundamental change is required in the standards for obtaining a marriage license. It’s ironic that an individual has to spend four years in college to earn a degree that will build a career for the future, but there is no training or degree required for marriage.

I want to become a Basic Training Marriage Instructor (with my husband) at The National Marriage Training Institute. Establishing a training institute will save our country billions of dollars by strengthening marriages. The institute would be privately funded and run much like a college campus with satellite locations.  Each couple would pay a fee for attendance that would include the cost of a marriage license in their state.

Basic Marriage Training will be required before a couple can obtain a marriage license. Basic Training lasts for nine weeks with no less than three hours of training each week. Nine weeks of hard-core relational, physical, and mental drills will help a couple:

• Build Character
• Understand Honor
• Explore The Meaning of Marital Fidelity
• Learn Discipline
• Prepare For Combat
• Build Emotional and Physical Stability
• Discover Personal Potential As A Mate

A couple will be challenged to the peak of their ability and graduate as true marriage soldiers. They will be able to live and think like marriage warriors. After graduation, three-day training weekends will be required once a year to maintain a level of peak marriage warrior performance. Additional incentives for graduating from The National Marriage Training Institute, and attending annual weekend training, will be an increase in the couple’s standard tax deduction and a card will be issued reducing taxes on the purchase of groceries, clothing, and gas.

Couples choosing to live together, rather than attend Basic Marriage Training, will not receive domestic partner status from the IRS or joint health benefits from an employer, unless they have graduated from The Marriage Training Institute. In addition, standard tax deductions will be dramatically reduced.

If a couple decides their marriage must end, The Marriage Intensives Combat Course (12 weeks) will be required before a judge can sign a divorce decree.

I think I’m onto something.

Wouldn’t it be awe-inspiring if a major TV network had the guts to do a show called Christian Marriage Makeover? This would be revolutionary reality TV.

Here’s my thoughts on what the show might offer.

• Different styles of prayer, worship music, and outdoor activities would be introduced to assist a couple with God connection opportunities.
• The best marriage counselors would be available providing conflict resolution skills and build communication.
• Both families would be flown in so all dysfunctional behaviors would be dealt with.
• The producers would select 10 bible teaching churches in the area a couple lives and setup weekly visits; giving them an opportunity to select a church home together.
• Weekly makeover messages from the bible would provide a couple with concrete concepts of God’s design for marriage.  And, help them discern if they are on the same page spiritually.
• A mentor couple would be assigned for the first two years of marriage.

Couples can make a marriage look great on the outside with the beauty of their wedding day.  However, only God can do a marriage makeover on the inside.  The next steps depend on the couple.  Will they invite Christ into their hearts and their home? That’s when life-changing marriage makeovers happen.

Do you think couples would be up to the challenge?

I wonder what the ratings would be?

I came across two articles in the Tribune this weekend on new relationship trends that peaked at my interest. I enjoy hearing unusual stories from the couples my husband and I mentor about how they met their future spouse. Except, I would be seriously concerned to hear one of the following examples of chance encounter.

One trend is a website that is a refuge for heartbroken women to vent frustrations called www.dontdatehimgirl.com.  It’s described as a Better Business Bureau for men.  This site allows women to post inflammatory information, without recourse, that can damage the character of a man who might be a good and honorable person.  Deliberately pursuing something like this with intent to be hurtful sounds like revenge to me.  However, the men who are trashed are allowed to post rebuttals.

Another trend is recycling parties, or used-date parties.  At these parties, people bring an ex- boyfriend or girlfriend to swap so he or she can effectively help them meet a new date.  Essentially, one person’s trash is another person’s treasure. 

The possibility of bad karma is brought to the forefront of one article.  I do not believe in karma.  However, I imagine the idea is, if you do something horrible to another person, it may be returned to you.

Consider this novel biblical perspective; treat others only in ways that you’re willing to be treated in the same exact situation.

A few questions came to mind after reading both articles —

1. Why deliberately badmouth someone?
2. Why toss the baggage over to another person?
3. Why continue dating a person whose character flaws were obvious after the first few dates?

 From Chicago Tribune