I’m an avid fan of Dr. Les Parrott and his wife.  I picked up a new book by Dr. Parrott this past week called Crazy Good Sex, Putting to Bed the Myths Men Have About Sex.  It was written for men, but has sections for the ‘curious women’ in their lives who won’t be able to pass this title by.

One of the things I love about this book is the honest dialogue about some very tough topics, including pornography and masturbation, and how it affects the marital relationship.  Also, there is great scriptural reference throughout the book that is very though provoking. 

This would be the perfect Father’s Day gift, anniversary gift, or birthday gift for your hubby.

Several books have come across my desk in recent weeks that I’ve had a chance to take a peek at.  I love to read, but my face has been buried in textbooks more often than not with my return to school.  I thought I would pass along my thoughts on two books worth picking up and one that’s not worth the money.

Close Calls came out last year by Dave Carder who also wrote Torn Asunder. This is a very honest and relevant book that covers the topic of emotional and physical affairs. The book describes risk factors that contribute to potential pitfalls - family of origin, behavior patterns and stress factors.

The author writes: “There is one universal deficit in marriages that experience adultery - the loss of fun.”

He continues -

In order to have time for yourself, you have to steal it from your children.  Yes, you read that right!  Children are born narcissistic and egocentric, and they will take all the time, all the energy, all the money you have and still not be satisfied.  You can build great family memories with your children all there in one place, but you can only build a personal relationship between the two of you when you are alone with each other.  Having fun together will help prevent the close call of finding fun with someone else.

The second book that I’ve enjoyed is The Husband Project by Kathi Lipp.  The book is rather surprising and takes a different spin than what you might expect.  It is fun, has great tips and ideas, and brings Godly perspective into the picture.  I don’t want to spoil the surprise with this one by giving further detail.  However, the book is worth every penny if you want to rebuild romance with your husband.

The third book is called, I’d Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper - Loving Your Marriage After the Baby Carriage by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Noble.  I barely flipped my way through this one, and decided it’s not worth my time.  I understand this book was featured on Oprah (which I do not watch).  Honesty, it is pure garbage.  It is mean spirited, full of deceptive ideas, perpetuates lying to your spouse and has vulgarity in it. 

Two quotes from the book -

“I will try for ‘forever’, but if it doesn’t work, oh well.” 

“Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not about two people becoming one.”

 Don’t waste your money.

On a recent road trip, I had the chance to read a new book by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham called From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage.  I am a big fan of Dr. Smalley and have read many of his books, but I especially like the perspective of Ted Cunningham, a young pastor from Missouri.

There are terrific concepts throughout this book, but let me provide you with some of my favorites.

• I.  When anger takes up residence in a marriage, sexual intimacy moves out.  Anger is like a vacuum; it sucks the tenderness, gentleness and honor out of the relationship.

II.  If left unchecked, anger can result not only in physical disease but also emotional and spiritual disease.  Anger may be taking a bigger toll on your relationships and life than you realize.

III.  There are three main outlets for anger:  You can (1) stuff it, (2) spew it or  (3) study it.  The good news is that if you study anger, you can learn to resolve conflict, hurt and pain in a healthy way.

This is a wonderful book to read on your own, with your spouse, or to recommend for a small group study.  However, it should come with a warning:  PLAN ON SEEING YOUR REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR.

I have a special prayer request.  I have to admit it is a selfish one.

I am waiting for a publisher to pick up my first book project.   As my agent has expressed to me, “If you are in this for instant gratification, then the publishing business is not for you.”   

I understand that waiting on God’s timing is a good thing.  He has always shown himself to be faithful, and the results are better than I could have ever dreamt.  I can look back and see where His blessings have slowly interwoven themselves through each situation.  The problem is, it’s so doggone hard to wait.

To provide you with a little background information, the premise of my first book is based on The Marriage Minute Daily Devotional offered at Growthtrac.com.  I have written new Marriage Minutes, intertwined scripture, and added short stories.  Similar to the Marriage Minute Daily Devotional, it’s meant to be short and sweet daily moments to think about your marriage. Many of our devoted readers have written to us over the years because they love to put Marriage Minutes into cards, or make anniversary and birthday gifts with them.  A man in Pennsylvania e-mailed us a copy of the marriage proposal to his girlfriend (it looked like a playbill for a Broadway play) with a Marriage Minute inside the proposal.

There appeared to be a very interested publisher who kept me on pins and needles for sixteen months as they kept asking for revisions and formatting tweaks.   Unfortunately, they came back to my agent last month and said, “no thanks.”  I keep praying… and this week, good news came that another publisher is interested.  They requested commitments from marriage experts who will provide additional wisdom and morsels of marriage advice for the book.   I am excited to say that several authors have been kind enough to say they are willing to contribute.

I believe God still has a lot to teach me about patience.  Perhaps, that is why this book-writing journey is taking so long.  Send up a little prayer for an infusion of patience after you finish reading this today - I would be grateful.

Cold, chilly winter days are settling in on Chicago. Sitting in front of a warm fire with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book becomes my outlet for relaxation. I’ve been reading through several books recently - one for sheer enjoyment, one for personal growth, and the other for insight that will be helpful to others.

I enjoy thrillers and suspense type novels; the more twists and turns the better. However, I seldom pick them up due to sexual content or foul language. There is an author I enjoy by the name of Ted Dekker. The first book I read of his was called Thr3e several years ago.

The author is a Christian, and writes with a bit of an edge, so he raises eyebrows in some Christian circles. I mention this, as he may not be everyone’s cup of tea. (Some were upset with me when I said I read The Shack.) He has a new book that came across my desk called Kiss, that will be released in January 2009. Kiss is the story of a woman who has a car accident and loses her memory, then acquires a mysterious mental ability. This one held my interest with action and suspense. The author also has a great way of introducing good and evil in his books, and how God’s light exposes darkness.

On a heavier note, last week I received a copy of Shattered Vows - Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed by Debra Laaser. She and her husband are the founders of Faithful and True Ministries. My husband and I had an opportunity to hear this couple speak at a retreat for our marriage ministry. I loved this book, as she not only shares her personal journey, she writes about other areas of marriage where we step into gray areas of betrayal. This book is geared toward women, but I believe any man would gain great insight too. If you are a man who has been the betrayer, it will provide a glimpse into what your wife might be feeling, and provide a deeper understanding of her healing process. This book is extremely well done.

Lastly, I started 40 Days Living The Jesus Creed by Scott McKnight this week for a new small group my husband and I are involved in. It is a day-by-day study built on loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. I am thoroughly enjoying this so far.

You have my permission to do nothing. Sit by a warm fire, relax, and read. It is good for restoring the soul.

There is something I have been working on in myself - it is a desire to see people through God’s eyes rather than my own. I believe one of the ways to accomplish this is, through the extension of grace. I’m working hard at growing and filling my heart with this Christ characteristic.  I once heard grace described as undeserved merit or favor.  I have to stop myself, and remember how God has extended undeserved favor to me, since I handed my life over to him 23 years ago this month.

Where I stumble is, I usually have a deep sense of darkness in people’s lives rather than the tiny little ray of hope that God has peaking around the corner. Sometimes the sadness I feel for people’s distance from God is overwhelming, and it frustrates me that they don’t see their brokenness. There is a deep hurt caused in their marriages and relationships, and they chose to remain stuck. That’s where grace needs to take over in me. I’m working on it, and I’ve asked for accountability in this area of my life.

At the suggestion of a friend, I read a book this month called Stripped: Uncensored Grace on the Streets of Vegas by Jud Wilhite. It is the story of a pastor and his church in the heart of Las Vegas. I love the fact that he calls Vegas, Grace City instead of Sin City.

The book intertwines the stories of people who have been radically changed by God’s grace and who continue to struggle with making changes in their lives that will honor God in the process. It is an awe-inspiring book of acceptance, inclusivity, and grace. Grace is extended in such a way that the people walking through the doors of this church cannot help but know Christ is living and breathing.

If you struggle with grace deficiency in your life, this book is a great way to get filled-up.

My latest read has been a book by Leslie Vernick called The Emotionally Destructive Relationship - Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It. It was released last year and was sitting on my bookshelf. I’m sorry I did not pick it up sooner.

Leslie is a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling practice. I love the way she integrates scripture throughout her book that provides perspective for various situations.

Whether you are single, married or divorced there is insight into any relationship you have experienced in your past, or are working through currently. Plus, there are many sections for reflection about personal change.

Step by step, Leslie shows you how to…

• Recognize behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying and when to shift your approach
• Get safe and stay safe
• Continue to be transformed by God as you build an identity in Christ

I would have to say my favorite chapters were 4 and 5 where she writes about Destructive Themes of the Heart: Pride, Anger, Envy, Selfishness, Laziness, Evil, and Fear. I love a statement she makes - genuine change requires a transformed heart.

I look forward to seeing more books from this author.

I love the title of this new book that crossed my desk this week — If God Disappears, 9 Faith Wreckers & What To Do About Them by David Sanford.

Perks your interest doesn’t it?  Well, it certainly did mine.   I could not put this book down.  I read it in a day and a half. 

I know there have been periods in my life where I have felt the absence of God’s presence, wondering where he wandered off to and why my prayers go unanswered. There have been other times where I have deliberately shut God out.

If you are experiencing a personal crisis of faith, or are spiritually drifting, this book is a great reminder that no matter what you are going through, God is still there to be found. 

Not only will you purchase a copy for yourself, you’ll purchase additional copies for family and friends.

A Side Note:

David owns Sanford Communications, a literary and editorial agency.  They are guiding and supporting me through my first book project.  Hopefully, in the near future, I will have a very interested publisher.

I love chocolate. I enjoy it mixed with anything fruity.  Orange or raspberry filling, fruit syrup, and plain old strawberries and bananas = yum!  However, I am married to a certified chocoholic. He loves anything chocolate.

While on vacation a few years ago, we found a small sign for our kitchen that says, ‘Chocolate Makes Life Better’.  It sits inconspicuously on the cabinet over our stove. Anyone who finds this hidden treasure when visiting our home, always cracks a smile and says, “I like the way the two of you think.”

I recently finished reading a new book called Chocolate Kisses for Marriage by Cindy Sigler Dagnan.  It’s filled with delicious recipes and anecdotes for sweetening your marriage.

The book provides delicious joys to be discovered when a couple:

• Embraces romance and treasures of everyday life
• Creates rich dialogue with Chocolate Covered questions
• Shapes boundaries that protect and nurture your marriage
• Experiences sex that is so much better than chocolate — really!
• Leaves a legacy of faith and commitment and laughter

There is a new book coming out in August 2008 by Margaret Feinberg called The Sacred Echo

Be on the lookout for this one. It’s an amazing read for discussion with your spouse or your couples group.

My other favorites from Margaret are The Organic God and Just Married: What Might Surprise You About The First Few Years.

Check out a Margaret Feinberg article here.