Finding the Right Mate

For those who have been devoted followers of my blog in the past, I apologize for my long absence.  My intense focus in 2011 was to complete my undergrad and start my master’s program in counseling.   I’m happy to report I accomplished both goals and look forward to spending more time writing.   I appreciate your patience, support, and continued comments to articles I’ve written in the past.  May 2012 be a year of new beginnings.

As an introduction to the state of marriage in the new year, I came across an intriguing article in the January 2011 issue of Psychology Today by Rebecca Webber entitled  Are You with the Right Mate? 

A few of my favorite quotes include:

“We’re all difficult. Everyone who is married is a difficult spouse. We emphasize that our spouse is difficult and forget we’re difficult for them.”

“There comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it’s all a dreadful mistake.  It’s not a sign that you’ve chosen the wrong partner.  It is the signal to grow as an individual – to take responsibility for your own frustrations.”

In mature love, says Meinecke, “We do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don’t blame them for our unhappiness.  We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark mood.”

Lastly, I find this statement so distinct and right on the mark –

“Marriage is not about finding the right person.  It’s about becoming the right person.”

As a Christian, I do not agree with all content within the piece by Psychology Today.  Nevertheless, in speaking with friends, family and church members, it is important to understand what is occurring in marriages within our society and hopefully influence them in a more Godly direction.  According to the article, the culture we live in tells us, “we should not settle for anything that is not ideal for us. ” Unfortunately, Christian marriages continue to fall into the trap of conforming to the ways of this world, rather than the renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2).

I pray each day for marriages with the hope they will stand firm through the difficulties and walk a different path – one that reinforces commitment even when circumstances are less than ideal.