For many husbands and wives, simply thinking about SI (spiritual intimacy) will start beads of sweat trickling down their foreheads.  The next thing you know they’re wiping the palms of their hands on the sides of their jeans, experiencing heart palpitations, tightness in the chest, and gastrointestinal distress.  Oh no, we need to experience this kind of intimacy together to have a better marriage?  

Absolutely!  I want to encourage you to keep giving SI a try in different venues.

One of my favorite ways to enjoy SI with my husband is through music.  I’ve shared before that music is turned on everywhere in our home - even the bathroom.  It’s the reason we were lead to start GrowthtracRadio.com a little over a year ago.  It’s a 24-7 streaming radio station with adult contemporary Christian music that includes marriage programming.  Today, there are over 10,000 streams a month.

I’ve discovered one of the good gifts we receive is the opportunity to listen to and review new CD’s that will be released before they are available for sale to the public.  I have two recent favorites I would like to recommend.

Two weeks ago, my husband and I were on our way to church in a strange mood that bordered on somberness and excitement.  We had some dear friends coming to tell their story of hope, faith, questions, struggle, and illness.  The wife has been fighting brain cancer for nine years.  It just so happens we popped a new CD into the player by Steven Curtis Chapman called Beauty Will Rise.  From the first song to the last we rode a roller coaster of emotions as SCC pours out the anguish, the questions, and the trust he has in God after the death of his daughter, Maria.  I wish I had an unlimited bank account, as I would purchase this CD for all my family and friends.  It’s that good.  It will be released November 3rd.

There is a second amazing CD by Phil Wickham that will be released November 17th called Heaven & Earth.  This album captures your heart from the opening song called Eden to the last song.  I think I hit replay five times on Eden because it depicts the wonder of living in community with God every moment of the day.  We listened to this album continually for an entire Sunday.

Want to connect spiritually with your spouse without breaking a sweat?

Try a little music.

I experienced a huge dose of reality after returning from our honeymoon and immersing ourselves into the daily routines of married life.

I discovered my husband is weird. 

He did not like the brussel sprouts and broccoli I prepared for dinner, especially combined together.  My family loves this combination of vegetables covered in buttered bread crumbs and spices.  

Weird Man

As he cleaned up the dinner dishes, he threw the scraps in the garbage rather than the garbage disposal.

Weird Again

When I went into the bathroom to prepare for bed that night, there were wet towels on the floor and a hard crusty open tube of toothpaste sitting on the counter. 

Weird Once More

When we climbed into bed for the evening to snuggle - he passed gas and threw the covers over my head. 

Amazingly Weird

At the end of the week, we had to sit down for the first time together and pay bills.  His desire was to pay them all at once so they were taken care of for the month.  My desire was to break them up over the course of the month and put reminders on the calendar for the due dates of the remaining bills.

Double Weird

It doesn’t take long after the honeymoon to discover that your spouse does things quite differently than you do.

You’re Normal - They’re Not

It now becomes a mission in life to point out all the little flaws that are growing daily into big ones, so your spouse can correct them and become normal again.

Like You

Over the years, normalness continues to diminish until you believe the person you married resembles an alien monster, and you have to flee for your life to save your sanity.  The strange thing is - their eyes are still the same, their hair, their smile, and the person on the inside. 

Who’s weird now?

Last week there was a major decision to make with my husband that was plopped in our laps at the last minute.  I am not a last minute person.  I have to pray and have a sense of peace.  Discomfort about a decision gets the best of me because I’m unable to sleep.  It’s as though God is saying, “Wake up, I’ll help you work this through.  I don’t sleep, so neither shall you.”

As a couple, we sometimes use a decision making process similar to a stoplight.  We don’t move forward unless we both feel we can go through the green light together.  If one of us feels like a yellow, we proceed with caution before a final decision gets made.  If one of us feels like a red, then things come to a screeching stop.

While driving home, I expressed my discomfort to my husband.  I said, “I need to pray this through tonight or tomorrow morning, then I’ll be alright.”  He listened, said it was okay, and he understood.  As we tucked ourselves into bed, I gave him a bunch of kisses.  He paused for a moment and said, “Just so you know, I was thinking the same thing.  We need to pray this through.”

Sleep was intermittent Wednesday night.  I would try sleeping for awhile, except I felt as though I was being tossed around in my clothes dryer with a pair of tennis shoes.  I finally came to my desk, wrote out my thoughts and prayers, and asked God for nougats of wisdom. If this is good, give me peace.  If it’s not, then keep my heart restless.

At 3:30 am, I was still feeling that a yellow light was flashing in front of me (proceed with caution), and I could no longer keep my eyes open.  I needed sleep and hoped the morning would bring a fresh perspective.  As I crawled back into bed, my husband was processing his decision in his sleep.  It seems as though he rides his bicycle through an obstacle course with legs moving and arms flailing, bracing for a fall.  I was close to deep sleep when he smacked my hand - not intentionally. He swears he does this while dreaming.

Exhausted, I dragged myself out of bed at 7:00am, and prayed some more at my desk.  Finally, I felt I had a green light in front of me.  I was no longer restless.  I knew I could live with this decision, and God was a part of it.  We wouldn’t be moving ahead blindly. My husband walked into the office, asked how I was feeling about things, and announced he had a sense of peace too.  Green light. 

He made a phone call. 

We made it through another major decision…together.

A friend recently sent me a clip from a show that ran from the 1950’s through the 1970’s called the Honeymooners.  It starred Jackie Gleason and Sheila MacRae who played the characters of Ralph and Alice Kramden, a couple living in Brooklyn, NewYork in a small apartment, trying to make ends meet.

I watched an episode on YouTube the other night, and laughed out loud at the interaction of this couple.  Whenever Ralph would become extremely frustrated with Alice, he would say, “To the moon, Alice, to the moon!”  Classic comedy, but a very interesting and raw truthful picture of what marriage can be like at times.

I’ve had moments in my marriage where I wished I could send my husband straight to the moon with a one-way ticket.  I could wave at him on very clear nights through a telescope in my backyard.  When I reflected on my desire to send him on a moonwalk, often it was due to sheer frustration when he wasn’t seeing things my way, or when I refused to look at things from his perspective.

One of the silliest disagreements we ever had was over the correct way to clean a toilet.  My husband calls it, ‘the bucket method’.  One simply gets a small bucket filled with water, dumps it in the toilet, and the water miraculously disappears.  By using this cleaning method, the toilet is completely cleaned below the water line.  I looked at my husband and said, “Are you serious?”  He said, “Of course, this is the ONLY way to clean a toilet.”  My reply was, “Since you do such a wonderful job honey, I’m sure you would be happy to make this your weekly chore.”  He hired a housekeeper two months later.

To-the-moon moments in marriage usually are the result of a spouse who doesn’t agree with your way of doing things.  After all, your way is the right way.  How can you possibly be wrong?  There might be alternative solutions to completing a household task or making a major decision.  However, we become focused on only one possible outcome - ours.

Before a decision is made to build a lunar landing module in the backyard for your spouse, a few moments of self-reflection might be beneficial.  Your spouse may have some great ideas, if you’re willing to listen.