Memorial Day weekend we had the chance to drive to Kentucky to visit my MIL.  I enjoy road trips with my husband as it provides concentrated time to talk, dream, listen to music, and plan for the future.  We’ve made several important decisions while traveling through the flat corn fields of Illinois between Chicago and Kentucky.

This trip we watched cars passing by and talked about the colors, the style, and what would be fun to drive.  Dreaming is fun, especially when the vehicles you own are nine and ten years old and will not be replaced any time soon.  My husband’s car needs work, and we’ve been waiting for a part to come in. This meant taking my ten year old Honda CRV that provides an opportunity for the body to feel every bump in the road.  My husband’s car is the preferred mode of transportation for road trips because it has a much smoother ride, sits lower to the ground, and hugs the road.   I have to lovingly remind him that my car doesn’t handle the same way around quick turns, and we’ll experience the sensation of being on two wheels instead of four.  And… a four cylinder vehicle doesn’t like to accelerate to eighty miles an hour without a few moans and groans.

I love this little red car, and I’m not ready for a trade-in.  I taught my daughters how to drive in it and stuffed it with every item my eldest daughter owned as she headed off to college.  My family has packed it to the roof with camping gear and memories.  And, I brought my first grandson home from the hospital in it.

Simplifying life, not seeking out the shiny and new, and a personal desire to be satisfied is something I have been praying for recently.  This road trip helped me talk to my husband about being grateful for all God has provided - the gift of family and the memories we have shared in a little red car, even if road trips are a bit bumpy.

I’m an avid fan of Dr. Les Parrott and his wife.  I picked up a new book by Dr. Parrott this past week called Crazy Good Sex, Putting to Bed the Myths Men Have About Sex.  It was written for men, but has sections for the ‘curious women’ in their lives who won’t be able to pass this title by.

One of the things I love about this book is the honest dialogue about some very tough topics, including pornography and masturbation, and how it affects the marital relationship.  Also, there is great scriptural reference throughout the book that is very though provoking. 

This would be the perfect Father’s Day gift, anniversary gift, or birthday gift for your hubby.

Recently, a friend said to me while speaking about our children, “No one knows what the future holds.”  I have to disagree - to a point; we can look ahead and see potential outcomes.

My husband and I have been leading a couple’s small group this Spring.  Our group has been studying the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  The book is based on the premise of a husband who provides his wife the love she most desires, and a wife who provides a husband the respect he desperately needs.

What the future holds for your marriage, your children, and your grandchildren, lies squarely in your hands.  As a couple, you have an opportunity to change the direction of your marriage and develop a positive, loving, and growing relationship.  Or, stay in the same patterns of tit-for-tat, resentment, and verbal one-upmanship. 

It’s time to break the cycle.

If a husband speaks loving words to his wife, he shows his children the importance of holding their mother in high esteem.  If a wife speaks with respect to her husband, she shows her children the importance of a husband and father who is the head of the home.  If the cycle of unloving and disrespectful communication continues, the trickle-down effect will be seen in their children’s communication, marriages, and grandchildren’s lives - a glimpse at the future.

When my husband and I married, we were unchurched.  Christ did not become a part of our lives until we had been married twelve years.  We were raising our young children in a home where there was yelling and swearing taking place.  I was teaching our daughters to be disrespectful to their father, and he was teaching them to be unloving toward me.  As we grew into an understanding of what God wanted for us as a couple, we sought out counseling.  We learned about the need for personal change and developed new forms of respectful communication and conflict resolution skills. 

Every time our family gathers, as we did this past Sunday for Mother’s Day, I am grateful for a Christian counselor who took my husband and myself by the hand and lovingly nudged us toward changing our marriage.  I sit back and watch the giving nature of our daughters.  I see them teaching our grandchildren about loving God and loving others.  The grandkids are learning to talk to their mothers lovingly, and speak to their fathers with respect. 

Here is a quote from Love and Respect that spoke volumes to me -

To walk in the truth means to order your life by the Word of God.  If we want our children to walk in the truth, we must live out the same truth before them.  You may be thinking about mistakes you’ve made, the times you haven’t been a good example.  Don’t despair.  God has a unique way of eliminating past mistakes.  Where there has been sin, His grace abounds.  He erases your mistakes and puts more grace in their place. 

We can see what the future holds - a legacy of changed lives.

Similar to many families this year, we find ourselves tightening the budget with focused diligence.  We worry more and more as we watch hard earned savings and retirement funds spin out of the accounts faster than the electric meter during summer.

I found my anxiety level notching up this week as another unexpected expense hit our household to the tune of $1800 to repair drain tiles in our basement.  My husband’s car is eight years old with 140,000 miles on it, and he is off to the repair shop today for what will be another $400 repair.

I am hearing similar stories from families I correspond with around the world.   The financial stress levels marriages are facing are enough to send couples over the edge.  They have never experienced something of this magnitude in their relationship.  It’s the part of marriage called ‘worse’- the word a couple seldom hears when they stand at the altar.

The ‘worse’ part of marriage comes with the magnitude of a twenty foot wave crashing over our heads.  We sputter and kick and scream as we are caught off guard.  This isn’t the comfortable married life we envisioned - there are inevitable scrapes and bruises that come with twenty foot waves.

When we come up for air and spew the water out of our mouths and noses, the next step to be taken is to reach out for the hand of our spouse.  They are not the enemy because of job loss, reduced pay and cut benefits - they are the partner God gave us to keep our heads above water.  We need to grab onto them with all our might for comfort and stability.

It’s impossible to provide comfort and stability to my husband if I fail to read God’s word every day.  The Bible keeps me grounded, reduces my anxiety levels, and provides insight and perspective.  It changes my attitude toward my husband, and I am able to draw closer to him with my heart, mind, and body.

After all, what warms the heart and casts away worries more than physical intimacy?  It seems to wash away the waves of worry. We come away from our times of intimacy with a different clarity and connectedness that brings renewed hope that we can conquer the world with God’s help.  The waves seem a bit smaller.

My favorite verse this week comes from Isaiah 43:2 - “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.  Even when you walk through fire, and when the waters overwhelm you, I am there.”