My husband and I were given a gift of free tickets to see Chris Tomlin and Israel Houghton last night.  We arrived in the middle of torrential rains that turned into six inches of snow by morning.   Three hours of worship music last night somehow made the snow look beautiful this morning.

Ten thousand voices singing praises to God at the Sears Centre outside Chicago was wonderful. Worship with this many friends has a way of lifting a behind out of a seat, starts the toes a tapping, and moves the arms from resting next to the hips to swaying above the head.  Perhaps, it is a small glimpse of what heaven will be like.

We first saw Chris Tomlin eight years ago at the church we attended when The Noise We Make album was released. Growthtrac interviewed him in 2004 right before the Arriving album was released.

http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/a-conversation-with-chris-tomlin-278.php

It has been a journey to watch God use this man and the very special gift he has been given. His energy and love of God is contagious. He has matured in his lyrics, his love of God, his view of the world, and has a few more smile lines around the eyes.

One of the most moving moments is when Chris shared the very recent loss of his grandfather. The funeral is tomorrow.  (Please lift the Tomlin family up in prayer.)  His grandfather loved the song, I Will Rise, and asked Chris to sing it at his funeral.  Last night he sang the song with such passion, that you felt like you were standing there with his grandpa praising God in heaven.  It was a beautiful and striking moment of sorrow and praise wrapped into one.

I don’t know about you, but an hour of worship on Sunday morning isn’t enough to fill my soul for the week - I need more.   Consider the music that fills your home, your car, and your office throughout the week.  Does it pull your heart closer to God in worship, or further away?

Jesus understood it when he said in Matthew 15:8, “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.”  

While I was listening to the radio yesterday morning, I started chuckling to myself.  There was a story of a woman in Connecticut who was so frustrated that her husband walks out on her, whenever she tries to talk to him, she decided handcuffing herself to him might do the trick.

I checked out the Internet this morning, and the story has made world news. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29860675/#storyContinued

Reports say, as the “conversation” went on, she started biting him.  He also called 911 on her during the altercation. Police charged the woman with third-degree assault, disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment and unlawful restraint.

Counselors might say you’re marriage is beyond repair, if the only way you can get your husband to stay for conversation is to handcuff yourself to him.  However, you never know what might work.

It might be important to find out if your man is a talker prior to the marriage.

It has been a wonderful week as the weather is warming up in the Chicago area.  It seems like hibernation has lasted a bit longer than unusual this year.  Once the thermometer hits fifty degrees, the shorts and sandals come out.  There is a ray of hope around the corner that winter is finally over.  The birds are back and singing in the morning, we can open the windows to grab every ounce of fresh air possible and sweet sunshine warms the skin.

As I looked out the front window this morning, I watched a male and female mallard building their nest in the tall grasses near my mailbox.  They nuzzled each other and played in the yard as the male was making his amorous moves.  After all, it’s what birds do in the spring.

I look forward to winter routines of warm tea or hot chocolate cuddled up by the fireplace with a warm blanket, good book, and my husband snuggled up next to me.  However, after five long months of hibernation, I’m ready to take walks with my husband and go for bike rides.  It is something we could not do last year due to a torn tendon in my foot. Maybe this is the reason I am overly excited with the arrival of Spring this year.

A bike path near our home has a Dairy Queen that appears over a hill after a ten-mile ride.  Ice cream is a reward for enduring the first stretch of pain and we have the benefit of working it off on the return ride. Occasionally, we take a small basket with a few things to nibble on and enjoy a picnic.  I like the idea of a little nuzzling and playing like the mallards.  If people point and stare, I might say, “try this after thirty-two years of marriage, it’s fun!”

Happy Spring!

Ahhh… To live on a tropical island once we are married. There is nothing to do but stare into each other’s eyes and walk along the beach holding hands with warm sand oozing between our toes.  Coconut milk is in abundant supply with bananas galore.  Making love under the stars each night with the cool breezes gently touching our skin never requires any effort.   There is no need to hurry on an island, no need to communicate with others, and a couple can live on love day in and day out. 

There is a Jamaican saying that goes like this “fire deh a mus-mus tail him tink a cool breeze.“   Translated it means -  you may be heading for trouble and don’t even realize it.

My husband and I tried island living in our marriage - it didn’t work.  When troubles came our way, we fell flat on our faces.  We had nowhere to turn for help and were quickly drowning without a life raft to be found anywhere.

Island living is fun for a while, but eventually, when reality living enters the picture, it’s best to surround your marriage with a loving supportive community.  They will pray for you, provide accountability, build into you emotionally and spiritually, and be there when the tough times hit.

Once we moved off the island, we found aquatic inflatable tubes to keep our marriage afloat in the form of a small group.  They were our marriage lifesavers.

Often when my husband and I meet with couples for mentoring, and they inform us they never have disagreements, we know they are avoiding conflict at all costs.  We recommend they have their first fight over something silly and we will discuss the details of what caused their blood to boil at the next meeting.

Disagreement is a good thing for two reasons -

1) Negotiation of differences is taking place, and compromise will lead to positive change in the relationship.

2) Communication can improve if time is taken to work through a disagreement.

As we discuss what caused a couple’s disagreement, we go to scripture to open their eyes to God’s design for resolving conflict.

Romans 12:17-21

Never payback evil with more evil.  Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.  Dear friends, never take revenge.  Leave that to the righteous anger of God.  For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” say the Lord.  Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them.  If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”  Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

During conflict it is difficult to believe your spouse is a gift from God and not the enemy. Scripture tells us to provide food and drink to our enemies.  How much more should we provide to our spouse?  How much more should we be aware that our conflict is not against an enemy, but a friend who we deeply care about?

There is a reactionary thought process that takes place during disagreements.

• My spouse must feel the same pain they have inflicted upon me.
• Responding in a louder more forceful tone will get my point across.

Responses that take place during conflict are often twisted into justification.  In truth, they are pure revenge.  That is why Romans tells us, “never payback evil with more evil.”  The idea is to keep our heart still, bring peace to the situation, and stop our mouth from instilling further harm.

Proverbs provides several reminders about the damage our tongues can do, as well as teaching us what will bring healing power to a relationship.

15:1 -  A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

15:28 - The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.

16:24 - Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

I have found the best resource for resolving all marital disagreement is The Bible.   The problem is, in the heat of the moment, it’s not easy to read because the reflection of our sin may bounce off the pages.