Ever wonder how a couple that has been through counseling and numerous marriage enrichment seminars, can still be stuck and not moving forward in their relationship? 

They are doing marriage alone.

This was how my marriage looked twenty years ago. Neither one of us, as followers of Jesus Christ, were willing to devote ourselves to a deeper life-giving community through small group and bible study.

John Ortberg in his book Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know them says, “We devote massive amounts of time to making money, running errands, and succeeding at our jobs, but we neglect to give our most valuable possession - time - to the experience for which we were created:  community.”

For the first time in 1989, after numerous tense discussions, my husband and I signed up for our first couples small group.  As we reflect back on the two years spent in this group, it was the best marriage decision we ever made. Our group members were willing to “get honest” with us about the verbal venom we spewed at each other.  We did not recognize this behavior pattern in counseling and marriage seminars.  It was life-changing that someone was willing to lovingly confront us about our treatment of each other, and provide accountability toward making changes.

John Ortberg calls it: The Need for Truth-Tellers.  He says, “Every one of us need a few people to tell us the truth about our hearts and souls.  We all have weak spots and blind spots we cannot navigate on our own. We need someone to perform spiritual surgery on us when our hearts get hard and our vision gets dim.    We need Truth-Tellers because our capacity to live in denial is astounding.”

Couples seldom fail in their marriages when they surround themselves with loving community and truth-tellers. Transformation in marriage occurs when a couple is willing to end their isolation.

Today starts the first couple’s small group my husband and I are leading at our new church.  I am excited about being a part of this community, and look forward to building new friendships.  I pray I can build into these marriages in the same way the group members built into my marriage twenty years ago - with loving “truth-telling”.