After the holidays are over, I encourage my husband to join me in cleansing our bodies of sugar, caffeine, and carbohydrate overload.   He had the unfortunate experience of birthing kidney stones a few years ago, and this has been a good health regimen that avoids new birthing experiences.

We tried a five-day fast with organic juices and homemade vegetable broth last year, and my husband was ready to eat all the shoes in his closet and the wallboard throughout the house. I conceded with raw vegetables, fruits, and organic tomato soup this year. This is an especially trying time of year since it is so darn cold in Chicago; all you want to do is hibernate.   My husband readily admits to being on carbohydrate overload to fuel himself with energy when the temperature hits zero.

Our first day of detoxification went as follows:

9:00am - fruit smoothie and organic decaffeinated tea

10:00am - hunger pains set in and my husband is pleading for a bagel. I offered him a  Cutie - no not me, but a delicious little specimen which is a cross between a clementine and mandarin orange.  He looked at me with a puzzled look since a Cutie is the approximate size of a lime, and asked how many of them he was allowed to eat in one day. 

11:00am - He is back in the kitchen growling with hunger and telling me he couldn’t believe I talked him into this crazy detoxification again. 

12:00 noon -  I make a salad the size of the kitchen table and offer him organic tomato soup with three oyster crackers in his cup.  He asks where the rest of the crackers are.

1:00pm - It’s Cutie time along with two Excedrin for the caffeine withdrawal.

2:00pm - I hear him in the kitchen with paper crackling in the background making a cup of soup and stuffing his mouth with oyster crackers.  He sneers at me and hugs the crackers to his chest.

3:00 pm - It’s Cutie time.

4:00pm - He asks if it’s time for dinner, and I mention the cut up veggies to snack on in the frig.  His lip lifts upward on one side like Elvis and I hear a growl.

5:00pm - It’s Cutie and Excedrin time again.

5:30pm - He on his knees next to my desk, crying and pleading for dinner. 

6:00pm -  We sit down to another salad, which he thanks me for making, then asks, “What are we having for a snack tonight?”  We clean up from dinner, and as I ask for a hug - I get another growl.

7:00pm - He asks if I will make him another salad.

8:00pm - Time for bed because he feels he’s going to passout.

9:00pm - Get up to go to the bathroom.

10:00pm - Get up to go to the bathroom.

11:00pm - Get up to go to the bathroom.

12:00midnight - You get the picture, a detox makes you pee a lot.

Day 2 was much better and so were subsequent days.  We made it through five days of detox. 

This morning he was smiling as he ate half a bagel, juice, and a bowl of oatmeal.  I have my husband back from the edge of starvation, a few pounds lighter, and willing to give me big hugs and kisses for helping him avoid future birthing experiences.