A dear friend passed on an article in the New York Times where a pastor challenged the husbands and wives in his congregation to a Seven Day Sex Challenge. I say, “Yeah pastor, way to go!” God created sex, why not talk about it in church.

Some comments in the New York Times are rather cynical about the purpose of this instruction.  I did not hear the sermon, so I would give Pastor Ed Young the benefit of the doubt that his purpose was to help couples realize that too much gets in the way of their love lives.  It’s time to reclaim what they may have lost by growing closer to each other and God in the process.  When intimacy is good in marriage, all seems well with the world.  Maybe that’s the hope we need for this coming year.

I think I’ll wrap myself up for my husband to find me under the Christmas tree (after family leaves), and not answer the phone between Christmas and New Years Day.

I pray for safe travel for you and your families; time for reflection and giving thanks, and lower than normal family stress. May you have a truly blessed Thanksgiving.

This year has been filled with health and financial challenges for many families, and unfortunately, as we look to the New Year, we seem to be holding our breath waiting to see what is around the next corner.  One of my favorite verses to read during times such as these is found in James 1:2-4 -

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So, let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, your will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

• I am thankful that I have a patient and loving God who walks with me, promising never to leave my side.  He provides everything I need and more.
• I am thankful that He never gives up on me, especially when I want to give up on Him.
• I am thankful that He provides me with opportunities to see His face through the love of friends and family.
• I am thankful and in awe of God’s goodness in the small details of my life.
• I am thankful for all of you who read my blog. You are a blessing to me with your words of encouragement.

I pray you are blessed by God’s faithfulness, love, provision, and abundance.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to have lunch with my husband and our pastor. During lunch, I noticed that my husband had a glob of sour cream sliding down the corner of his mouth. I reached over with my napkin and gently wiped it off. Our pastor commented, “That was a loving gesture to watch. It’s obvious you care for each other.” My husband, who has a dry sense of humor, responded with, “We are practicing for the drool and diaper changes twenty-five years from now.“

Have you ever watched how couples interact with each other in public? It’s rather telling about their level of affection toward each other.

• They hold hands.
• They carry on a conversation.
• He stands behind her to push in her chair.
• He helps her with her coat.
• He holds her arm while walking down the sidewalk or crossing the parking lot.
• He opens the car door for her.

Small…loving gestures.

• She smiles as his jokes.
• She stares into his eyes.
• She adjusts the collar on his shirt or jacket.
• She wipes the food off his chin, beard, or mustache.
• She dips a napkin in her glass of water, and cleans the spaghetti sauce off his shirt.
• She gives him a kiss on the cheek and whispers in his ear.

Consider gestures of love toward your spouse - however small, however simple - even if it means wiping the drool off the corner of their mouth in years to come.

Cold, chilly winter days are settling in on Chicago. Sitting in front of a warm fire with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book becomes my outlet for relaxation. I’ve been reading through several books recently - one for sheer enjoyment, one for personal growth, and the other for insight that will be helpful to others.

I enjoy thrillers and suspense type novels; the more twists and turns the better. However, I seldom pick them up due to sexual content or foul language. There is an author I enjoy by the name of Ted Dekker. The first book I read of his was called Thr3e several years ago.

The author is a Christian, and writes with a bit of an edge, so he raises eyebrows in some Christian circles. I mention this, as he may not be everyone’s cup of tea. (Some were upset with me when I said I read The Shack.) He has a new book that came across my desk called Kiss, that will be released in January 2009. Kiss is the story of a woman who has a car accident and loses her memory, then acquires a mysterious mental ability. This one held my interest with action and suspense. The author also has a great way of introducing good and evil in his books, and how God’s light exposes darkness.

On a heavier note, last week I received a copy of Shattered Vows - Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed by Debra Laaser. She and her husband are the founders of Faithful and True Ministries. My husband and I had an opportunity to hear this couple speak at a retreat for our marriage ministry. I loved this book, as she not only shares her personal journey, she writes about other areas of marriage where we step into gray areas of betrayal. This book is geared toward women, but I believe any man would gain great insight too. If you are a man who has been the betrayer, it will provide a glimpse into what your wife might be feeling, and provide a deeper understanding of her healing process. This book is extremely well done.

Lastly, I started 40 Days Living The Jesus Creed by Scott McKnight this week for a new small group my husband and I are involved in. It is a day-by-day study built on loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. I am thoroughly enjoying this so far.

You have my permission to do nothing. Sit by a warm fire, relax, and read. It is good for restoring the soul.

I am convinced that marriages are built on fairy tales. If God chose my mate for me, we will be completely in sync with each other.  Little adjustment will be necessary. There will be romantic nights, massages, grapes and champagne, and endless wonderful communication with no conflict.

Proverbs 28:19 tells us,  A hard worker will have plenty of food, but a person who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.

This verse speaks about a need for hard work to accomplish things in life; it applies to marriage too. Marriage takes hard work and a plan for success.

Perfection in marriage only existed in the Garden of Eden. We can never get back to that place of complete unison with God and each other. However, we can strive to come as close as we can.

God has given us a guidebook, with a surplus of wisdom, to rebuild our rose garden - it’s called The Bible. However, it is underutilized and seldom opened for reference when our marriage needs guidance.

The following verses provide guidelines for effective communication.
Proverbs 10:14, 10:19, 12:17, 12:18, 12:25, 13:3, 13:14, 14:23, 15:13, 15:28, 16:24, 16:28, 18:13, 26:4-5, and 28:5.

Additional verses for resolving conflict are:
Psalm 37:5, 1 John 3:10, Philippians 4:8, Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 2:3-5
Proverbs 11:14, 15:1, 15:4, 15:31, 16:21, 17:9, 18:2, 18:13, 20:3, and 21:23
James 1:19-20, Ephesians 4:26-27 and 4:29, Romans 12:17-19, and 1 Peter 3:8-9.

Food for thought:
Proverbs 19:21 - There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel - that will stand.

My husband and I were out late this past Friday night and did not get into bed until 1:00am. I am usually an early riser, but after one turns forty, late nights aren’t agreeable to the body any longer. When my kitty started bugging me for food around 7:30am, I moaned and groaned and got up to feed her. However, this was one of those mornings where I simply was not motivated to get moving, and quickly crawled back into a warm bed.

We had nothing planned until Saturday evening. Our entire day was ahead of us without appointments or errands. It wasn’t hard to stay in bed for more sleep and cuddling. We did not get up, take a shower, or have breakfast until noon.

I had a smile across my face Saturday morning, as it brought back memories of lazy mornings when we were first married. We felt like we didn’t have a care in the world, and just time to love each other. I honestly felt like a lazy bum. I didn’t accomplish a thing on my ‘to do’ list Saturday. I had to give myself permission to just ‘be’ with my husband and enjoy his company. It was tremendously refreshing.

When we arrived home Saturday evening from a birthday party, he hugged me and said, “I liked our lazy morning together.”

I had to smile. Maybe there are more lazy mornings around the corner now that the kids have moved out.

Unfortunately, my husband and I have been frontline observers to the implosion of several marriages over the past few years. It is devastating to watch a couple casually toss aside what is intended to be a life-long commitment because they no longer feel they are ‘in love’, ‘compatible”, or ‘have different goals in life’.

I’ve concluded that a fundamental change is required in the standards for obtaining a marriage license. It’s ironic that an individual has to spend four years in college to earn a degree that will build a career for the future, but there is no training or degree required for marriage.

I want to become a Basic Training Marriage Instructor (with my husband) at The National Marriage Training Institute. Establishing a training institute will save our country billions of dollars by strengthening marriages. The institute would be privately funded and run much like a college campus with satellite locations.  Each couple would pay a fee for attendance that would include the cost of a marriage license in their state.

Basic Marriage Training will be required before a couple can obtain a marriage license. Basic Training lasts for nine weeks with no less than three hours of training each week. Nine weeks of hard-core relational, physical, and mental drills will help a couple:

• Build Character
• Understand Honor
• Explore The Meaning of Marital Fidelity
• Learn Discipline
• Prepare For Combat
• Build Emotional and Physical Stability
• Discover Personal Potential As A Mate

A couple will be challenged to the peak of their ability and graduate as true marriage soldiers. They will be able to live and think like marriage warriors. After graduation, three-day training weekends will be required once a year to maintain a level of peak marriage warrior performance. Additional incentives for graduating from The National Marriage Training Institute, and attending annual weekend training, will be an increase in the couple’s standard tax deduction and a card will be issued reducing taxes on the purchase of groceries, clothing, and gas.

Couples choosing to live together, rather than attend Basic Marriage Training, will not receive domestic partner status from the IRS or joint health benefits from an employer, unless they have graduated from The Marriage Training Institute. In addition, standard tax deductions will be dramatically reduced.

If a couple decides their marriage must end, The Marriage Intensives Combat Course (12 weeks) will be required before a judge can sign a divorce decree.

I think I’m onto something.

I wish to encourage my readers to get out and vote tomorrow. We are given a tremendous gift and opportunity in The United States that so many of our brothers and sisters in Christ do not share around the world. It is a freedom to not take for granted.

I have spent more time in prayer over my voting decision than any other time in my life. I have asked God for his guidance and wisdom in helping me come to a place of peace.  I have sought out God’s voice.

There is a recurring theme that has stuck with me through the process and that is - read. I have read numerous passages of scripture. I stopped reading newspapers and magazines. I went to the Internet to read about the candidate’s voting records, their upbringing, the people they associate with, and much more. Finally, I had to ask myself, “How does what I’ve read and heard align with scripture?” This has guided my decision, which I did not make until a few weeks ago.

In a recent interview Growthtrac.com did with Margaret Feinberg on her book, The Sacred Echo, there are three questions she challenges us with in how to recognize the voice of God.

Does what I heard leave me with a sense of peace?
Jesus described himself at the Prince of Peace. So often when he speaks to our heart, he provides a sense of deep centered peace so that we know the thoughts and feelings are from Him. It is a kind of peace that the world cannot provide or compete with.

Is what I heard blanketed with love?
God would never ask us to do anything with a harmful, mean spirit, or criticalness. God is not in the business of tearing down people. He’s in the business of redeeming and restoring mankind.

Does what I heard line up with wise counsel in my life?
All of us need people who are older and wiser to provide guidance to help us figure things out - including our voting decisions.  This wise counsel includes my husband.  We have had several discussions about our prayers and seeking God’s voice through the decision process.

I know the old saying about politics and religion not mixing, but I have asked friends how they have processed their decision for the election this year. They have provided some very wise counsel, which I have shared here.  I pray it will help you before you vote tomorrow.