My husband is a very kind hearted, funny kind of guy, with a very dry sense of humor. There isn’t much that gets under his skin - except when he gets behind the wheel of his car. Then his game is on.

He thoroughly dislikes minivan drivers because there are so many blinds spots in their cars, and they cut you off more than any other vehicle on the road. And, some Humvee drivers are put into the dislike category for the same reason - blind spots. While you can blame it on the manufacturer of the vehicle, operator error has to be considered. I have shared with him that I feel this is a less than loving way of thinking when he lumps all minivan owners and Humvee owners into a poor driver category.

Additional irritants arise when someone is driving 45 in a 55 while talking on their cell phone, or he is an eyewitness to a driver running a red light. My husband is euphoric because our town is installing cameras at many intersections to catch red light runners.

Most of the time, he mumbles under his breath when a certain driver irritates him. Other times, choice words are used. Not swear words - choice words. I have been reminding him that choice words are detrimental to loving the people driving vehicles around us, even though they cannot hear him. One of our goals this year has been to work on loving others more and seeing them through the eyes of Christ. This is the reason for my persistent nudges when we drive together.

After a few near collisions while driving to see his brother this past week, he started praying while in the car.

Here are a few examples:

• God, help me love the DNA-challenged minivan driver in front of me.
• God, tell that person I am supposed to love, they need driving lessons.
• God, the person I am supposed to love that just ran the red light, can you stop their engine?

I think we have more work to do.

P.S. My husband gave me permission to share this story.

During church service yesterday, our pastor admitted that he and his wife have their worst disagreements on the way to and from church. I had to chuckle to myself as this has often been the case with my husband and myself. And, when our daughters were growing up, the disagreements included them too.

There is the hustle and bustle of getting up Sunday mornings, quickly getting breakfast in everyone’s stomach, and rushing out the door to feel my best for friends and God. And, there is a high expectation from my husband that we cannot be late. By quickly completing our usual Sunday morning ritual, I feel I can cleanse my family and myself of our weekly ugliness. We can put on a smile when we walk in the door at church.  Problem is, unkind words have a way of seeping out of mouths while getting ready to leave the house. This provides the backdrop for irritability and steam spewing from everyone’s ears before we reach the church parking lot.

Tension can provide an open door to disconnecting your heart from God on Sunday morning. Unpleasant thoughts are whirling through your mind about your spouse and your children. Then you sit in your seat, try to calm your spirit, and attempt to absorb the service. There have been Sundays where I find this an impossible feat. I still have enough steam left over for the drive home!

There is something you can try with your spouse and/or your children. By bringing several worship CD’s with you to listen to in the car, it helps alleviate the bickering. Crank up the music and have a sing-a-long to certain songs you know, or sit in silence as a form of prayer. Changing the atmosphere in the car, with praise music, will connect you going to and from Sunday service.

Give it a try this coming Sunday. See if it makes a difference.

In my last post called Sideways, I said I would let you know what I discovered about myself after moments of quietness with God.

I have been awake with no alarm the past two days between 5:00 and 5:30am. Funny, how God provides a spirit of restlessness when I need to spend extra time with him. I made myself a cup of Chai tea and sat down at my desk with my bible. Quietness. No one was up or stirring - except my cat, Frankie. She was searching for treats.

As I quietly sat at my desk yesterday morning asking God to turn me right side up again, there were three very clear words that came to my mind: abide, rest, and refresh. I randomly opened by bible, and Proverbs 23:12 was staring me in the face, which says, “Commit yourself to instruction, listen carefully to words of knowledge.”

Across the page from this verse was a devotional by Charles E. Cerling entitled - Mature Honesty, Conviction, Truth. The first two sentences said, ‘Assertiveness means that you let others know your true thoughts feelings, or desires about a situation. This is nothing more than being honest with that person but doing so in a way that is not a threat to them or apologizing for making your desires known.’

I realized I had two things to work on to alleviate being sideways. First, God wants me to rest more, stay with him in quietness, and refresh myself - prayer and bible reading is optional. It’s that simple.

Second, after talking to my husband and my children, they did not feel I had been impatient recently or holding back on sharing my feelings. I decided to speak with a co-worker who confirmed we were sideways in our relationship. However, before making the call, I wrote down my thoughts, so I could speak my true feelings and desires about a situation we are not seeing eye-to-eye on. We still didn’t agree, but I tried to reconcile things to the best of my ability.

Over the past few days, God has shown me, I don’t always have to agree with everyone in my life. My honest thoughts and opinions do matter. It’s okay to let them be known. But, before I share them, the best thing to do is rest, abide, and refresh myself with God by my side.

Ever have one of those days or weeks where you feel you are interacting sideways in all your relationships? I’ve been having that kind of week and it is only Wednesday. I don’t want to even think about what Friday may bring.

When I am operating sideways in my relationship with my husband, children or co-workers, it is a sense in me that not all is well. There is this underlying feeling of restlessness, impatience, and uncertainty that my relationships are not the best they can be.

I have not had a huge blow out argument with anyone this week, but I definitely haven’t seen eye-to-eye with the people in my life. Work has been especially stressful and busy, and I have been teetering on the edge of opening my mouth with unkind words of irritation. I’m grateful God has found a way to help me zipper it up and instill a sense of caution.

This afternoon, I have tried to reflect on what is bothering me and grab moments of asking God to help me figure this out. I’m not sure what it is yet, but I don’t like the feeling. I want to be at peace with the people in my life. I wish to reconcile any ill feelings, tense conversations, and ask forgiveness for any underlying irritability I have verbally or non-verbally shared with someone.

To accomplish this, I’ve decided to set aside as much time as I need early tomorrow morning to sit in quietness and listen. Listen for that nudge or echo in my heart that provides direction from God. I’ll let you know what I learn.

This weekend, my husband and I will be celebrating the first service of a new church we have helped plant.  With any new church plant, there are more things on the task list than there are people. We have been keenly aware and watchful of each other, so we do not fill up our calendars with an overabundance of volunteerism that will cause us to deplete our joy for serving God and his people.

My husband was recently asked to fill a Sunday leadership role, in addition to his current serving responsibilities. We had to take a step back and pray about it. It wasn’t long before we realized he would have to decline this position.

Eleven years ago this Fall we were at a crossroad. For ten years, my husband volunteered his time during the week and on weekends, ushering in our church. What this meant for me is, I sat through services without him by my side. I was beginning to notice spiritual depletion in him, as he was seldom able to give sermons his full attention while volunteering.   The problem of spiritual depletion is a delicate balancing act for many who serve in the church.

Coincidentally, I saw a notice in our church bulletin during this time, searching for couples interested in becoming pre-marriage mentors for the Marriage Ministry that caught my attention. I believe the Holy Spirit was giving my heart a nudge to suggest something to my husband that would allow us to volunteer together. My husband reluctantly agreed to give this marriage-mentoring thing a try. And, as they say, the rest is history. Marriage ministry, and helping couples develop Christ-centered marriages, is our passion in life.

By turning down the leadership role this week, it means it was important to him and to me, that we keep the focus of sitting together to worship God a high priority. We will, of course, be serving and helping in other capacities throughout the church, as we very much wish to do so. However, this balance is important to us, so we can focus on keeping God first in our lives - together.

There is something I have been working on in myself - it is a desire to see people through God’s eyes rather than my own. I believe one of the ways to accomplish this is, through the extension of grace. I’m working hard at growing and filling my heart with this Christ characteristic.  I once heard grace described as undeserved merit or favor.  I have to stop myself, and remember how God has extended undeserved favor to me, since I handed my life over to him 23 years ago this month.

Where I stumble is, I usually have a deep sense of darkness in people’s lives rather than the tiny little ray of hope that God has peaking around the corner. Sometimes the sadness I feel for people’s distance from God is overwhelming, and it frustrates me that they don’t see their brokenness. There is a deep hurt caused in their marriages and relationships, and they chose to remain stuck. That’s where grace needs to take over in me. I’m working on it, and I’ve asked for accountability in this area of my life.

At the suggestion of a friend, I read a book this month called Stripped: Uncensored Grace on the Streets of Vegas by Jud Wilhite. It is the story of a pastor and his church in the heart of Las Vegas. I love the fact that he calls Vegas, Grace City instead of Sin City.

The book intertwines the stories of people who have been radically changed by God’s grace and who continue to struggle with making changes in their lives that will honor God in the process. It is an awe-inspiring book of acceptance, inclusivity, and grace. Grace is extended in such a way that the people walking through the doors of this church cannot help but know Christ is living and breathing.

If you struggle with grace deficiency in your life, this book is a great way to get filled-up.

I have been listening to two new CD’s this week that came across my desk.

One of them is by a band called JJ Weeks Band.  It’s not often that I pick up a CD and like almost every song.  This one, I do - except for the last song.  I’m not sure why they threw the last song into the mix, as it seems completely out of place with their sound.

I am impressed by their lyrics - especially on the first two tracks which is a song called Save Us and the second song is Far Away.  This band’s love for God definitely shines through.

The second CD I listened to is the soundtrack for Billy, The Early Years, which is from the new movie coming out about Billy Graham.  You have to have a deep appreciation for country music with this album.  While, I appreciate country music, and have a few favorites, I’m not a diehard fan.  Although, the band 33 Miles, is quickly making me a convert.

Back to the soundtrack from the movie -  I have two favorites on this album, and the rest I can leave behind.  Track #2 by Sarah Evans is called Low and Track #4 by China Edelman is called Shelter Me.   I replayed both songs on the way to a funeral Friday morning.  Shelter Me rang out as I prayed for my friend and the loss of his father.  God does shelter us from life’s storms and the lyrics to this song reach out with this message.

Music speaks to my soul, and I consider it a form of prayer each day.  My husband and I often listen to new CD’s in the car together, and it helps connect our hearts.

Many of my new readers may not know that Growthtrac.com launched Growth Radio in February 2008.   Check it out at Growthtrac Radio.

Our passion is to have great Christian music with marriage only content.  A place for your marriage to grow through music .  We want to bring a great mix of various new and old Christian artists to the play lists.   I am involved in many of the music picks. My husband and I do not always see eye-to-eye, as we do have different musical tastes, but I see that as sharing many of the differences we have in our marriage.

Your input would be appreciated.  Let me know which songs speak to your heart and your marriage.

I had an opportunity to get away for five days with my husband this past week. We had airline vouchers that had to be used by early October. And, like many people in today’s economy, we had to watch our pennies.

We were deciding where we would like to visit, and almost instantly, my husband felt it would be good to see dear friends in Texas. While I briefly considered having time away with just the two of us, I also knew it was important to connect with this couple who have been instrumental in building into our marriage and ministry.

We spent an enjoyable five days exploring fun places, cooking, eating, and shopping for kitchen gadgets - which I enjoy more than shoes . We shared exuberant laughter as well as truthful moments of deep conversation. However, what we came away with was much more important; our friends built into us with prayer, encouragement and insight for keeping our marriage alive and thriving. We can go to them when we are troubled, need perspective and prayer for our relationship. They are one of our marriage lifelines.

We all need time for refreshment. Time to get away and unwind.  We’ve discovered time with loving friends, who will build into our marriage, is equally important.