You’re Not The Boss
On a playground as you listen to the interaction of children, you might hear the words —‘You’re not the boss of me!’ Unfortunately, the very same scenario plays out as we grow up and get married.
A good marriage has healthy boundaries and accountability. To be considerate of our spouse, their feelings, and need for security, we no longer can do things as we darn well please. After all, we have a spouse who needs to know what we’re up to and when we’ll be home. It’s not nagging — it’s accountability. Unfortunately, the words you’re not the boss of me, can still be heard years later as they apply to our marriage,
The switch from ‘me-ness’ to ‘we-ness’ is extremely easy for some of us during the first year of marriage. For others, the transition is extremely complicated. A few challenges that present themselves are:
- Co-mingling finances
- Calling when you’re running late
- Comparing calendars
- Joint decision-making
- Time with friends
- Church/volunteer obligations
There’s nothing like having someone standing in front of us, arms crossed and foot taping who says, “I’m sorry honey, but that’s not possible today. Your response, “I made plans.” This translates to, “I made plans with no consideration for you.” Reaction to this conflict may sound similar to our playground days — you’re not the boss of me!
If we take a deeper look at our reactions, it has a lot to do with our desire for independence and not wanting someone to control us. After all, we’re adults now, and we should be able to make our own plans when we want and how we want.
God didn’t design our marriages to operate optimally with an attitude of; you’re not the boss of me. He designed them to operate with an attitude of; I will do everything possible to work toward mutual understanding and respect without childish responses.
1 Corinthians 13:11(NLT)
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child.
But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
God should be the CEO of our marriages. As the boss, his job description includes the following:
- To implement the strategic goals and objectives of a marriage.
- To give direction and leadership toward the achievement of marriage philosophy, mission, strategy, annual goals and objectives.
Continue shouting at the top of your lungs you’re not the boss of me and the dreams, goals and oneness you long for in marriage will be difficult to achieve.