In all honesty, the feelings of love for my husband have been up and down during our marriage. Instead of gently pulling the petals off a daisy saying, “ He loves me, he loves me not”; I pulled petals saying, “Maybe I love him, maybe I don’t.” At one point, I said, “I don’t love him now, I don’t think I ever loved him.”

Surprising statements from a woman who once had an intense and overwhelming love for the man she married. My husband was the love of my life. We had a close and intense intimacy that was built on honesty, trust and openness. We hid nothing. He was the first man I trusted.

How did I get to a place of pulling daisy petals saying, “ I don’t love him now, I don’t think I ever loved him?”

I lost contact with The One who first loved me. The One who knew me before I knew myself. The Lover of my soul.

My first love — Jesus Christ.

After our first introduction, I hungered to be near Jesus, to speak with him constantly, to know him more deeply and learn about his love for me. Our relationship was built on openness, trust and a sharing attitude. It felt so good to be fully understood.

Unfortunately, my husband was jealous of my first love. He had no desire to know him, and it made our marriage miserable. Due to the disparity in our spiritual compatibility over a two-year period, I became angry with God and made subtle choices to grow further and further away from him. After all, if my first love was causing problems in my marriage, I should be cautious in my level of commitment.

I filled my life with work, my children and busyness to build a brick wall between my heart and Christ. When I look back of that period of time, it coincides with the loss of love for my husband. I came dangerously close to walking away from my marriage… and away from God.

If you lose the hunger and desire for your first love, love begins oozing out of your heart and is replaced with bitterness, resentment and coldness. It’s impossible to say you love Christ in one breath, and no longer love another human being in the next breath. The two statements do not compute.

Draw yourself back into the arms of your first love. Get to know Him again by spending time together growing and deepening your intimacy. Ask God to renew your love for your spouse with greater intensity than when you first met. Be prepared… he will surprise you!

I have been given a wonderful gift from my first love — my husband.

Whether we admit it our not, our first love has the greatest impact on our lives.